Stacyverb

I had no idea

It’s been just over a month since I returned from my four-week residency at the Vermont Studio Center. After some initial post-residency blues, now my thoughts of VSC are less about the sadness of leaving and more about gladness and gratitude for the time I spent there.

I arrived at VSC eager to have my own space and time away from job and home responsibilities; to focus completely on finishing a first draft of my novel; to meet other writers and artists, and make friends with a few of them.

Little did I know how low I was aiming!

 

Before & after: view from my studio window on March 31 & April 24

For one thing, I didn’t anticipate falling in love with the view of the Gihon River outside my studio window, or having the jaw-dropping experience of witnessing that river—mostly frozen when I arrived on March 30—thaw, break up, and begin to flow freely. Living in this dynamic setting with about 50 other writers and visual artists, I felt constantly invigorated by my surroundings and the sheer range of talent and imagination around me.

During any given conversation, one resident’s casual comment could inspire someone else in a totally unexpected way. I experienced this VSC magic from both sides more than once, and witnessed it countless other times. Inspiration and support from fellow residents frequently gave me the sensation of a switch being flipped in my brain, making it spark and sizzle and light up in new ways.

So, with fresh confidence and curiosity, I embarked on a path of pushing my writing in a more personal and experimental direction. What an exciting shift that was! After holing up in my studio for long afternoons of this new work, I’d emerge feeling equal parts exhausted and giddy.

Giddiness became a familiar feeling during those four weeks. I’d had no idea how much fun the residency would be, or that I’d grow so close to so many people so fast. And within this fantastic sense of community, I rediscovered something I’d nearly forgotten--the pure joy of writing just for the sake of writing.

While I did make huge progress on my novel, I didn’t complete my draft. And that’s okay! About halfway through the residency, thoughts like, “How many pages have I written?” and “Will anyone publish this?” began to seem irrelevant, replaced by “What if I wrote about that topic?” and “How about experimenting with this technique?”

 

My official VSC studio portrait by Howard Romero

And what happened? Magic, basically. I produced some of the strongest work I’ve ever done. Lots of fiction, for sure, but non-fiction as well. And poetry! (What? Where did that come from??)

Back home in the “real” world now, my residency experience has helped me to clarify my priorities. I recognize that my creative self—imaginative, exuberant, adventurous—is my best self. For a while, I’d lost sight of her, but VSC and my fellow residents revived her. Now I feel committed to making sure my writing and my connection to a creative community don’t get sidetracked by the routines of everyday life. I hope to keep surprising myself with what I can do when I set my expectations aside.

When I headed off to VSC, I thought I had good ideas about the work I would do, the things I would accomplish. Compared to what I actually did there and what I feel capable of doing now, I realize I had no idea at all.

Back in the loop

So, I'm getting a pretty good rhythm going here in the new year. My work weeks are a mix of paid work at home, paid work at the shop, and unpaid (but important!) writing-related activities.

"Writing-related activity" can mean any number of things. It could be writing a blog post. Or working on some fiction. It might be studying a writing-related book (right now I have Joan Sibley's The Art of Time In Fiction right here next to the computer with me). Some days it's mostly corresponding with writing friends and/or working on expanding my circle of same. But it's all helping me get into the habit of making writing--in some form or another--a part of my day, every day. Forty-fourward! and all that.

One thing I need to add to my mix of writing activities is submitting work to literary magazines. It's been a long time since I did that, and the lit mag scene has changed a lot. When last I was making an effort to get pieces published--this was ten years or so ago--paper was still the norm. By this I mean the mags were mostly actual, solid, hold-them-in-your-hand things. They had printing expenses, and to recoup those expenses, charging writers a reading fee was pretty standard. You printed out a hard copy of your work, mailed it off with a self-addressed stamped envelope, and waited forever for a reply (usually rejection).

God, the SASEs were the worst. Getting mail addressed to yourself, in your own handwriting, telling you that you suck? And you had to pay for that? Awesome (NOT).

What a time-consuming, expensive, frustrating process that was. Which is why I stopped doing it. But things are different and more writer-friendly now. There are tons of great online lit mags. Electronic submissions are the norm. Reading fees are largely a thing of the past.

So, I'm ready to start putting my toe back into the submitting game. I need to look through my files and see what I already have that might be ready to go out, as well as research which mags are looking for what, and when. It's all part of the process. A writer's life.

As it should be

From the looks of my news feed, a lot of you are dealing with a buttload (I believe that's the scientific meteorological term) of snow right now. Nothing like that here, but it's a hibernating kind of day anyway. It's cold and blustery outside, but I'm inside writing, and Anthony's in the other room drawing. So, pretty much excellent.

Oh, HAPPY NEW YEAR, by the way! My holidays were great and I hope yours were, too. I'm lucky enough to be related to people I actually love spending time with, and to have many wonderful friends to help me welcome the new year. Again, excellent.

The new year brings a new chapter in my life, as I'm now only working one or two days a week at the shop. The rest of the week I'm working at home, doing digital/social media for an arts organization. Trying to get into this new groove, figuring out how to allocate my time and energy, etc.

Being able to make my own schedule feels awesome. I'm hoping this will give me the freedom to get into a rhythm of working/creating/resting that feels productive and natural to me. The big thing I won't miss about working retail all week is fighting for little bits of time amidst the unpredictable comings and goings of customers. Having to delay bathroom breaks, being unable to eat an uninterrupted lunch--ugh, NOPE, won't miss all that a bit.

 

For Christmas a friend gave me a gorgeous leather-bound journal and some nifty pens. Creating in general, but specifically making more of my living by working with words, are high priorities for me in 2014. This is what I think I need to be doing at this point in my life. I've been in a work rut for a little while and it's time to change things up!

What's on your agenda for 2014?

Finished: Rose's Mitts

For a while, several years ago, my husband got me hooked on watching Doctor Who with him. I've mostly lost interest since then, but there was a period when I was sort of into it. (That period may or may not have coincided mainly with the years when cutie patootie David Tennant was playing The Doctor. But I digress!)

Anyway. There was this episode with Rose Tyler and The Doctor on a beach in Norway or something, having a dramatic goodbye. He might have been dying, maybe? (Real fans of the show are no doubt cringing at this description. Apologies if I've blasphemed here.) In any case, as Rose fretted and wailed and threw her arms around The Doctor's neck (I think they kissed, too--ooh la la!), my knitter's eye spotted the gorgeous fingerless mitts she was wearing. Oh! I wanted those mitts.

Recreating a piece of knitwear spotted "in the wild" (or on tv, in this case) is the knitting equivalent of musicians figuring out the chords to a song they heard on the radio so they can perform their own cover version, or a foodie deciphering the ingredients needed to reproduce a favorite restaurant dish at home. Sometime later, I discovered that someone else had saved the rest of us the trouble and had figured out a pattern for the mitts and published it on Ravelry as a free download.

This pattern had been in my queue long enough (yeah, okay, three years), so I finally decided to knit these as my first project for this fall. I made mine a little longer and added four rounds of ribbing around the fingers and thumb.

As part of my Forty-Fourward (tm) plan, these mitts serve double duty--I'm crossing a project off my to-knit list as well as using up some yarn that's been in my stash for a long time. They accomplish more as well, of course--keeping my wrists and hands warm and my fingers free, while adding a stylish new touch to my fall wardrobe.

PROJECT DETAILS

Pattern: Rose's Wrist Warmers by Christina Slattery

Yarn: madelinetosh tosh dk in Glazed Pecan

Needle: US 3 (3.25 mm)

Roller coaster

What a week this has been!

On Monday I started a new part-time job. I'm still working four days a week at my other job, and still doing my jewelry biz on the side, but this new gig takes my work life in a new direction that I'm really excited about. I get to do internet research, write a bit, and promote the arts. All good things!

It's also a good thing I have some extra money coming in, because on Tuesday, Little Kitty went to the vet. Long story short, she'll be having another cancer surgery this week. This was a tough decision, because it's expensive and we know it won't cure her, but we decided it's the right thing to do. Her quality of life is good. She's a happy kitty who just happens to have a tumor growing on her, ah, boobular area.

 

Comfy, unsuspecting critter doesn't know she's sick.

So that news and the frowny "what if" thoughts that go with it brought the mood down quite a bit, for sure. BUT THEN. My week ended with an email from the Vermont Studio Center that said, in part:

"Our jurors reviewed your work among a very competitive pool of applicants. Although your application was not selected for a fellowship, we would still like to make it possible for you to come to the Studio Center. Based on your application, we have reserved a space for you for 4-weeks in our session beginning 3/30/2014 through 4/25/2014."

Holy crap, right?!? I GOT IN! Happy dance! Kermit flail! etc. Of course, after I had absorbed the excitement of "we have reserved a space for you," I got stressed out about the "your application was not selected for a fellowship" part. I did get a partial grant, which is EXCELLENT, but I still need to come up with another $2500+. The thought of that is giving me anxiety, which is why I'm not thinking about it right now. La la la, I will deal with that later, la la la...right now I am basking in the joy of the acceptance letter and spending quality time with my Little.

Writerly thoughts

Sheesh, weeks have gone by since I last even looked at this blog.

Blame Vermont.

I spent most of September in a frenzy of writing and editing and filling out paperwork for the Vermont Studio Center deadline on October 1. As part of that process, being plagued with self-doubt and generally freaking out also took up quite a bit of my time. But I got it all done and everything was submitted (with a few days to spare, even).

The next step is to wait 8-12 weeks to find out if I got accepted. Whatever! It's out of my hands now.

Of course, I'm hoping they do accept me. But even if not, I feel like the application process in and of itself was a productive experience. It basically forced me to think about nothing but writing for a while. Not just my writing sample, but writing as a concept, or a lifestyle, or whatever. When people asked what I was up to, I would tell them I was working on this application, and that started some interesting conversations about creativity that probably never would have happened otherwise.

I was chatting with a friend of a friend who did a residency at VSC last year, and she said the most important thing she got out of it wasn't so much the writing, but the "writer-ing." Namely, meeting and hanging out with other writers, talking about each other's work, and so forth. Immersing herself in a writing culture, I guess you could say. Going to this residency would be a great way to do that, of course, but whether I get accepted or not, I need to work on finding ways to connect more with a writing culture in my everyday life.

Forty-fourward: Stacybeads

As I look ahead with my grand "forty-fourward" (tm) scheme, I'm not sure what I want the future of Stacybeads to be. But one thing I do know: paying off my student loan last week felt AWESOME. I want to keep the ball moving in that direction, so I'm now setting my sights on paying off an insurance bill.

With that goal in mind, I'm focusing on bringing in some extra income and yes, Stacybeads is part of that plan! All of these items are now available in my Etsy shop.

Here's a great opportunity for you to get some lovely new baubles for yourself, or to get a jump on holiday shopping, and to support me in my goal of paying off debt. And guess what--shipping is free in the U.S. and Canada! (For those of you elsewhere, email me.) Sharing my shop link would also be greatly appreciated. FORTY-FOURWARD, folks!

Paying off a dream

Back in 2001, I was very marginally employed and wondering what to do with my life. It seemed like the perfect time to completely throw myself into writing, something I had wanted to do pretty much all my life. I decided to apply to M.F.A. writing programs. But as I quickly discovered, they all required each applicant to have a B.A. in English.

So back to school I went.

Long story short, I got my English B.A. and applied to M.F.A. programs. Despite a 4.0 GPA, stellar recommendations, rave reviews about my writing, and GRE scores in the 90+ percentile, only one program accepted me. Of course, one was all I needed, but this particular program had no funding to offer. So I was looking at spending $30K out of pocket on a degree that would be basically useless. A creative writing degree isn't like a law degree or something; it's not an investment that pays off later. It's something you do for personal fulfillment, and maybe to make connections. Or maybe to teach, but you can teach with a much less expensive degree than that.

It killed me, but I had to turn down that acceptance. No M.F.A. for me.

So anyway, for the past ten years I've been paying off the loan I took out to get that B.A. in English. And this week...

...I paid that sucker off.

Not gonna lie--it feels GREAT not to have that hanging over my head anymore. Yeah, it was only a $50 monthly payment with very low interest, but I really just wanted it to be DONE. I was tired of thinking about it, tired of being reminded that I borrowed that money to finance a dream that didn't pan out. Hey, at least I didn't have to pay off that 30K, right?

Paying off debt is part of my grand Forty-fourward (tm) scheme. So far, so good!

River

As I mentioned in this post, some fellow blogging friends and I are taking turns choosing topics for each other to write about. This time around, Rich picked "river."

 

Photo from VSC's Facebook page

I've been staring at this picture a lot lately. This is the Vermont Studio Center in Johnson, VT. From their web site:

Founded by artists in 1984, the Vermont Studio Center is the largest international artists' and writers' Residency Program in the United States, hosting 50 visual artists and writers each month from across the country and around the world.

The Studio Center provides 4-12 week studio residencies on an historic 30-building campus along the Gihon River in Johnson, Vermont, a village in the heart of the northern Green Mountains.

 

To be honest, outside of my research on VSC, I've never heard of the Gihon River, geography not being my strongest subject. But it looks lovely, doesn't it?

For years I've had a vague notion that "someday" I'd like to apply for a residency at VSC. A four-week stay in a private room overlooking that river, my own little writing studio, the company of other artists and writers, all my meals prepared by a chef...it sounds dreamy.

I can't remember how we originally got on their list, but VSC's mailings have been coming to our house for years. Their postcards arrive, I look wistfully at them, and then they get shuffled in with the rest of the not-quite-junk-but-not-quite-real mail and eventually recycled. But a new one arrived last week and for some reason I lingered over it, and soon I found myself daydreaming and staring at that picture of that mill building by the river again.

I've never gotten around to applying to VSC, for a couple of reasons. It's very competitive, for one. I guess my idea of "someday" is "when I become a better writer, worthy of this opportunity." For another, even if I got accepted, it's rather expensive. You're talking to someone who, the closest thing I got to a summer vacation this year was choosing not to work extra hours while my boss was at the beach.

But this postcard I told you about, the one that arrived last week, it happened to mention the availability of fellowships that could cover residency expenses. The fellowships are also competitive, of course, so applying doesn't guarantee I'd get one, but you who know is guaranteed not to get one? PEOPLE WHO DON'T APPLY.

The deadline is October 1. This time, I'm doing it.

Forty-fourward

The other night while my sweetie and I were celebrating my birthday over a nice Italian dinner, I was kind of reviewing the past year. Forty-three, I declared, had been a pretty good one. I'd had some fun and done some good work.

So what did I want 44 to be like, Anthony asked me. I sipped my pinot grigio and thought about that. More anything, I told him, I would like 44 to be about forward motion.

"You mean, like 'forty-fourward?'" he replied.

Yes! That's what this year needs--a gimmick! So forty-fourward it is.

 

Earlier in the day, we'd taken this commemorative birthday photo at Turner Field. I hope Hank Aaron wouldn't mind my using his retired number for my own inspirational purposes. (I'm sure he wouldn't mind being seen in public with my awesome birthday candle crown.)

You know that feeling you get sometimes, like you're just treading water? You're working hard, but you're just stuck in one place? I'm ready to focus on getting certain areas of my life unstuck. For the next year, I want to concentrate on pursuing new work opportunities, stretching myself creatively, and paying off debt. Forty-fourward!