The other day when I posted on Facebook about my small house daydreams, someone commented, "But why just dream Stacy--why not Plan?"
That question has been stuck in my mind for several days now. Why not, indeed? The truth is, I thought the act of daydreaming in and of itself felt pretty radical. I haven't let myself do it in a while. The past few years have been largely about managing crises--health scares for both A. and me, his dad's death, job loss (for him), job insecurity (for me), and assorted pet traumas--and then dealing with their aftermaths (grief, debt, etc.).
I always feel we're doing well when we're able to live in the present moment and not feel mired down in the baggage of the recent past. But the idea of being able to think about the future...well, that seems downright audacious!
Daydreaming about something I might want to happen in the future--that feels fun. When I start putting words like PLAN out there, that sounds like I'm emotionally invested in the outcome of something. If I dream something that doesn't happen, that's not a biggie. But if I plan something that ends up going nowhere, that feels like disappointment. Failure. Yet another setback I'll have to spend time and energy bouncing back from.
Wow, this sounds like I'm a really depressed person. I'm not! But I am someone who, like many people, has had to recalibrate how she thinks about hopes and dreams and expectations. Right now I'm not really sure what any of those are for me, much less how to plan to make them happen. But I guess the first step is to try a few different daydreams on for size and see how they feel, and in the meantime, look for little adventures in each present day. (Luckily, I'm pretty good at the latter.)
I'd love to hear how you feel about dreams vs. plans. Are they two different things? Two parts of the same process? Do you ever feel too overwhelmed by the present and/or past to think about the future? If so, how do you handle that?